I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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