if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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