i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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