How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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