I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
