I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize