OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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