You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
3pm strippers are depressing
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
