We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
