This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
