he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize