peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
