I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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