Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
