So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize