I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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