All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
