I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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