i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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