you didnt know i had herpes?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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