I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
