i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize