i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
