I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
