Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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