I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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