hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
