ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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