He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
