Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
