i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize