whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
