All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
