It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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