tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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