I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize