Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
