I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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