I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
