I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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