i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize