so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left an ass print on the piano.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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