Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
