I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
