Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
