Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize