i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
