If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
