I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
