i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize