my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize