I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found a bag of teeth...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
