In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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