Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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