so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
