I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
