Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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