I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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