Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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