I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
