It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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