I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
