dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize