This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
