Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
