Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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