It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
