escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
