I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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