Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just wanna soil my oats bro
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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