I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
