D3 body, D1 cock
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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