'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
