fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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