I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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