Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drinking out of a sandbucket again
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
