lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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