i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
