i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Found the puke drawer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
