I'm jealous of your bromance
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
