Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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