she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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