i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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