ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
