Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize