you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
