Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
