overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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