I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
