As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
