wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
