I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
