I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
