I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You ate ashes out of my bong
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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